Posted by
beltway girl on Thursday, September 11, 2008 2:12:05 AM
DOCTOR: Okay, so, Barack, please tell me more about the dream.
OBAMA: Well, there are all these cattle cars, and they're going to uh, uh, Pennsylvania. And, uh, uh, I know this, even though, well, there's uh, uh, well, even though there's really no way for me to uh, uh--
DOCTOR: Right. So what then?
OBAMA: Well, there are all these cattle, and they're all chanting, Yes, We, Can! And I'm just, uh, thinking, you know, that's cool, but then, uh, uh, well, it isn't an easy thing to say, but, well--
DOCTOR: Then what?
OBAMA: Well, uh, they, uh, they all stand on their hind legs, and they're holding a gun in one hoof, and uh, uh...
DOCTOR: A Bible in the other one.
OBAMA: Right! Uh, uh, that's right. And they uh, uh, well, they charge me.
DOCTOR: Really.
OBAMA: Yeah. Uh, uh, and I, you know, I run. And I'm running, and running, and uh, uh, you're not going to believe who I run into--
DOCTOR: Hillary Clinton..
OBAMA: Right! That's right! And she's uh, uh, ahll bent outta shape cuz I'm not gonna, uh, uh, get into office, and there's not going to be socialized uh, uh, medicine again this year--
DOCTOR: Interesting. So what did you say?
OBAMA: Well, uh, I just say that, uh, uh, of course I'm going to get into--
DOCTOR: Exactly. And then what?
OBAMA: She, uh, uh, well, you know, I've never seen it before, but I know that doesn't mean it can't uh, uh, happen, but she, uh, she's throwing up, and her head is spinning, and she's, uh, uh, you know, saying, "The Lipstick Is On The Wall" in Latin, and uh, I don't understand how I could uh, well, know what she's saying uh, well, because--
DOCTOR: You're obviously still afflicted by a crippling level of guilt that has rendered you virtually dysfunctional. And this guilt is rooted in your indirectly referring to Sarah Palin as a pig.
OBAMA: I, uh, I never "called" her a pig. I just did what you told me, uh, uh--
DOCTOR: Please! Stop projecting your subliminated hatred of Sarah Palin on me.
OBAMA: But you wrote, uh, uh, uh, uh, exactly what, what, what I was supposed to say on my last prescription.
DOCTOR: You're hallucinating again. I did no such thing.
OBAMA: Bu, bu, but you did. I have it right here in my pocket. Would, uh, uh, you like to--
DOCTOR: That would be either acute somnambulism, meaning you're writing these things in your sleep, or perhaps even a rare, undiagnosed case of multiple personality disorder.
OBAMA: Bu, bu, but it's on your stationery, a, a, and it's in your handwriting.
DOCTOR: Well, now I remember. But we were never supposed to speak of that again.
OBAMA: Bu, bu, but you said that it would help get me elected--
DOCTOR: Again, we said we weren't going to discuss this--
OBAMA: Bu, bu, buht, uh, now, it's the headliner for Associated Press.
DOCTOR: This type of trust issue is typical following either rejection by, or of, an overpowering surrogate father figure such as Jeremiah Wright. We've discussed all of this before. You know I'm a campaign supporter.
OBAMA: Yes, well, uh, but--
DOCTOR: I give money to your campaign.
OBAMA: Ye, ye, yes, and that ten dollars a month really helps--
DOCTOR: Right. So trust. We've discussed this before. Hope, Change, and Trust.
OBAMA: Uh, uh, uh, okay.
DOCTOR: Here is your next prescription.
OBAMA: Do you want me to read it, uh, uh, uhgain, like the last time?
DOCTOR: Yes.
OBAMA: "Tomorrow, Barack Obama calls a press conference for 11 a.m., the subject is the economy. But Obama opens the conference by saying pigs wearing lipstick will never fly into the White House, and that the president of Iran will serve in the Obama cabinet."
DOCTOR: Right, as Secretary of Defense. So you'll be back again next week?
OBAMA: Uh, uh, uh, uhf course.